Lots to Say

You know when you have so much that you want to talk about but it’s so much that it’s just pain in the ass to type it out because you can’t even SAY it fast enough?  That’s what I’m suffering from haha.  I have a lot to tell but I CAN’T TYPE FAST ENOUGH!

Y’all won’t believe all that has transpired since my terrified bear post.  Where the hell do I even begin, geez.

I traveled this weekend to Illinois by train for my cousin’s wedding.  I chose to take the train because I had the extra day and it was cheaper lol.  I take the Amtrak from NYC to Washington and then another train from Washington to Chicago.  The WA-CHI train is my favorite ride ever.  It goes through mountains and fields and streams and it’s just gorgeous and this trip was no different.  I’m sure I looked like a crazy person to the man sitting across from me because I would stare out the window at the trees whirring past me and random start smiling so big and joyously, and I’ll tell you why.

Usually when I take this train trip and I admire all the scenery I think to myself ”boy one day I’d love to travel through this area on foot or something that I can stop and enjoy”.  And then I start playing a game called ”if I was on my trip where would I sleep?” and start searching for places that I could have put a tent up if I were travelling.  This is the point where I get really excited and start smiling lol.  To make things even better at one point we were passing through a really beautiful clearing with a lake and next to the lake are BIKERS WITH THEIR TENT SET UP!  I gasped so happily I’m sure people were like what the hell is this woman’s problem??

So fast forward a little bit.  For my birthday my aunt gave me a book called Wild by Cheryl Strayed [http://tinyurl.com/lz77ko3].  It’s the true story of how she (Cheryl) hiked the Pacific Crest Trail alone!  ALONE!!  Her mother died when she was 22 and afterwards she kind of fell apart, her marriage, her relationships with her family and husband, everything fell apart.  She decides to do this grand journey with no training or anything.  I immediately connected with her while I was reading.  It was actually incredibly difficult for me to read every single sentence in the Chicago airport while she discussed being with her mother in her last days.  I was definitely reflecting back on the last days I spent with my grandmother and the discussions we had on her last day of coherency.  She basically chooses to go on this major journey as a kind of spirit journey, finding her happiness and center which I LOVE because that was what inspired me to do this trip.

So anyway during every part of this book I was totally enthralled and by the end I was so excited I couldn’t stand it!  I am so excited to find places I’ve never seen, to watch sun rises, and sleep with a full moon sky, to learn about shit that I never would expect to happen and have to deal with by experience.  I can’t wait to wake up and listen to the birds or fall asleep listening to the rain on my tent and be cozy [I hope haha] in my little home.  Most of all I hope to be happy.  I’m so ready to find a place where I can remember moments with my Grandmother and not dissolve into tears as I do now, not find myself unable to breathe with sorrow and I know that she would support me doing what I feel I need to be happy.

Everything that stresses me out in my daily life floats away easier because I have an actual dream that I’m looking forward to.  I know that I’m not in this endless job that I will never escape and if I’m having issues all I have to do is plan or research anything trip related and before I know it I’m high on happy feelings.

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